ELEVATOR BITCHES FLAUSEN RESIDENCE LOGBOOK

COLLECTIVE // PAIN

Is feeling something that you do alone or in a group?

collectiveness 
a lot of words
floating around

bodies next to each other 
touching
just your little toe is touching mine
but still
it’s there

don’t be afraid of the others

what do we mean
when we say
we want to talk about the pain of others?

Individueller Schmerz kann niemals sein.
Individueller Schmerz wird verbannt von dem Geschrei der Unterdrückten. Geschändet von den Unterdrückern.
Ein Exemplar für Sinnlosigkeit.

Schmerz, der vereint.
Schmerz, der trennt.
Der gemeinsame Schmerz. 
Wer ist das Kollektiv?
Schmerz.
Woher wissen wir, wenn ein Schmerz von Anderen geteilt wird? Wir wissen wie schwer es ist, Schmerz für ein Außen verständlich zu machen. 
Es gibt ihn, den Schmerz in dem sich viele verbinden. 

Some pain felt this week:

The pain of not being understood.
The pain of communication.
The pain of having a body that does not fit mine.
The pain of confusion.
The pain of gender.
The pain of exposure.
The pain of pressure.
The pain of performance.
The pain of decision.
The pain of menstruation.
The pain of loss.
The pain of being overwhelmed.
The pain of overreacting.
The pain of being ignored.
The pain of waiting.
The pain of being underwhelmed.
The pain of time passing.
The pain of heat.

The pain of too little rest.

GENDER // PERFORMANCE

Gender connected to the subject of pain.
Where is the pain in the “male“?
Where in the “female“?

It’s a playful way to confront violence. 

TRANS // FORMATION

What does it mean to transform, transfigure, transmutate, transgress, transpose? Trans is such an important word, so powerful. I’m reminded of the great Brazilian singer and poet Linn da Quebrada who said “if I wasn’t Trans, I’d like to be.” But it can be scary. To be both man a woman, doctor and monster, victim and perpetrator.

I’m the only Trans person in the group, but not the only one in transformation. However, I’m in a constant state of transformation which is not always linear or clear. I find it difficult to balance both energies and both truths. When the world doesn’t have space for your truth to exist, you create a space.

Many of us come from a background in which we were being told what to do and how to act. Some of us don’t have much of a choice in their professional lives about what they want to do or not. To choose a silly song or outfit just for the sake of it or for shits and giggles is such a big task. To do drag is, therefore, a rebellious act of resistance.

I do have qualms, though, about fetishizing the art of the oppressed. When we put marginalized groups on stage and share a part of their “secret rituals” for white cis-heteronormative audiences to enjoy, it’s dangerous to create a kind of Freakshow. This fear – which stems from situations I’ve personally been in – makes me hesitant to bring drag to the theater.

Drag is for the people and by the people.
Drag belongs to bars, clubs, cabarets.
Drag belongs to the underground and to the people who feel unwelcomed in the European institutions of ART™.

The nature of drag is also practical:
What are the skills to survive in a “man’s world” that can be learned from acting as a man? Or a woman? How can we change the narrative and perform as the kind of men we want to see in the world? Or how can we make the violence of the male body over the female body evident by blowing it out of proportion?

And at the same time not perpetuating this violence?

Even with a penis made of foam, it’s tempting to want to use it in an inappropriate way.

NATURE // LISTENING

A large amount of time this week was spent practicing listening
Spending time in nature helped us with this.

Leave yourself in the forest
Leave everything that you are 
in the wind

go and use your voice
in the forest
carry it to the cities
and scream
carry it to the cities
and start to talk
carry it to the cities 
and ask

Leave yourself in the forest
leave your eyes
your brain
your fear

Take your ears with you
and listen
listen carefully

SHARING // KNOWLEDGE

It feels empowering to work with craft. To share knowledge that was passed on to us by other people. To teach songs. I feel really connected to the matriarchs by sharing this practical knowledge. Things that we sometimes don’t even realize we’re doing: cooking together, for example. It’s easy to forget that among the five of us we have an 11-year age range, the bookends of the Millennial generation. So many abilities honed along the way.